Sunday, February 7, 2010


was in florida and decided to have my bday party at a safeway. one of the cashiers agreed to let the party take place in his check-out line (#5) lots of friends happened to be in town. i brought sweat suits in every color of the rainbow for people to change into and dana brought silverware and made spaghetti. we eventually decided to just hang out in the parking lot. where lots of people were making out but no one wanted to make out with my mom's friend carl. he started to get a little aggro.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

some from the archives.......

5/8/08 I was with Hilary Clinton when she found out she had received the nomination for democratic candidate. She was so happy she came up to me and hugged me, we were in some thrift store and she whispered in my ear "now I'm going to dress slutty for the remainder of my campaign" I thought that was funny and a good idea and agreed to help shop/style her. She also confided in me that "no reagan on rushmore" was her favorite Blanche Devereaux song and that she was a big fan. It made me not as sad that obama didn't get the nomination but i was still a little bummed.

Went to school at Yale. Realized that I hadn't attended one class over the entire semester. Got a form to fill out, found out we were to keep track of our progress. Realized there were only 6 classes. Started going to one and realized it was easier than kindergarten. All you needed to do to get a good grade was be pure and loving. Like one of the assignments was pushing a puppy on a swing.

8/18 i was in bombay for a birthday party for dan aaberg. i was summoned into a room by two indian women who i was told needed healings desperately. they couldn't speak any english so we communicated psychically. i told them "i am not a doctor" they said we know it's fine. then i told them i would heal their auras and they said good that's what they wanted. so i gave them very intense healings. later i was on a huge ocean liner with ashley, dana, and a bunch of other friends. ashley and i went up to these weird little attic room that was made of wood and very very small like a coffin you could only lay down horizontally to fit in it. while we were in it the ship took a nose dive and we had locked ourselves in. i thought to myself, i do not want to die in this little room i'd rather die in the ocean. i started frantically kicking through the roof even though ashley was telling me not to. then we jumped out and were standing on the top deck of the ship which felt like a million miles high. dana was all the way down in the ocean screaming "jump!" i had a crucial moment of hearing her say that and listening to my intuition and they were in harmony. i jumped and so did ashley and literally one second later the ship went down exactly where we had just jumped. luckily we had swam away and dana ashley and i were all cheering and yelling and hugging in the water.

7/4/08 I was with Eva and Fiona and I told them to wait in the car and wash two cell phones but not pick them up while I went in and ate at this Chinese restaurant. Then there was a bunch of Chanel stuff and I was trying to figure out if any of it was real. One of the bags had a Chanel symbol with a slash through it and I thought to myself "well this one's not real". Then I started walking near Lakeshore park and I saw Bart who was looking kind of chubby. We hugged and I said "what are you doing" and he said he was going to see Taurus (but he pronounced it ta-rus like he always does) I was like "what? Sam's in LA right now and they haven't practiced for years. we walked over to this little outdoor amphitheater and there was a group of people sitting on bleachers. I saw Cris and her hair was platinum blonde and in a big pompadour ponytail. I didn't recognize her and we just stood and looked at each other for a little while before giving a hug. Then i saw dana who was with paige landstra and said they had just done a mirror prayer hoping taurus would really show up and play. it seemed they had developed a cult following. meanwhile michelle was playing with this band that was wearing all purple, someone was playing a tambourine that dana thought was a crumpet.

9/1 i was pregnant and going into labor but i didn't look pregnant and i hadn't known/remembered i was pregnant until the final moments. when i did i was horrified that i had smoked pot and drank beer last night. i was giving birth in what looked like a las vegas hotel annex, not a room but some area in one of the malls. it had that same lighting and weird tripped out carpet. my parents were there but no sam. at one point they didn't think i was very close but i felt like i was going to throw up and something (a part of the baby?) almost came out my mouth. then they all laid me down on a table and the doctor had a boa constrictor crawl into my vagina to release an egg? get the baby down? i don't know why but i made myself not think about any of it because it was so disturbing. then there was this part where the doctor put a vacuum up to me and was trying to suck the baby out in short powerful bursts. the vibe around the labor was sort of sad sort of scared and sort of excited. i didn't take any drugs or pain medication. finally the baby came out, she was tiny tiny and fell into a tub of water. i could hear her make little sounds but she wasn't crying. she kept floating underneath the water and no one was doing anything to bring her above the surface. i started freaking out, saying she'll drown! i could barely get up from the table. finally i think someone brought her to me and told me her name was lilli-anne i felt annoyed that i didn't get to name her. she was as small as a rodent and pink and very cute. at that point sam showed up who didn't ever know i was pregnant and the reality set in for both of us. he started saying "you know your problems with money? well now you live for two people not just one." and i was saying do you think this was a mistake? should i have gotten an abortion? and he was sort of implying that he thought i should have, which broke my heart after going through the whole labor. then i said "we can give her up for adoption" and he said "i think we should look into our options" then we were at a whole foods type place and for fun we put the baby behind the prepared foods counter inside the glass and now it looked a lot bigger like 6 months old and it was staring at both of us and it had an exact combination of both of our eyes. they were sam's color but my shape and they were staring at us with a look that was half a sam look and half a me look, and we started cracking up.
well, i've decided to go ahead and make this a dream blog from now on. enjoy!


i was pregnant and realized it was about time to have my baby. i got taken to a big open room that looked like an old army hospital where i met my doctor who would be officiating the birth. he looked like a fucking lunatic- sort of like charles manson. he had an insane look in his eye and a crazy demonic grin. i thought to myself "trust it, just go with it." i started feeling a very subtle pressure in my stomach and realized that i must be going into labor. it seemed way easier than everyone made it out to be, didn't even hurt as bad as a period. i slid off the operating table and just squatted over the concrete and the baby just slid right out of me. i felt so relieved like all the fear about giving birth had been for nothing. i held my baby and was super excited to get to know it but as i was looking at it it it started shrinking in my hands. it shrank very quickly into the size and texture of a hardboiled egg with a jelloey center. i didn't realize anything was wrong until my mom came over and started feeling for a pulse, she said "i think your baby is a stillborn" and i started to cry.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Friday, May 29, 2009