well, i've decided to go ahead and make this a dream blog from now on. enjoy!

2/5/10

i was pregnant and realized it was about time to have my baby. i got taken to a big open room that looked like an old army hospital where i met my doctor who would be officiating the birth. he looked like a fucking lunatic- sort of like charles manson. he had an insane look in his eye and a crazy demonic grin. i thought to myself "trust it, just go with it." i started feeling a very subtle pressure in my stomach and realized that i must be going into labor. it seemed way easier than everyone made it out to be, didn't even hurt as bad as a period. i slid off the operating table and just squatted over the concrete and the baby just slid right out of me. i felt so relieved like all the fear about giving birth had been for nothing. i held my baby and was super excited to get to know it but as i was looking at it it it started shrinking in my hands. it shrank very quickly into the size and texture of a hardboiled egg with a jelloey center. i didn't realize anything was wrong until my mom came over and started feeling for a pulse, she said "i think your baby is a stillborn" and i started to cry.